I seem to be locked in a battle with myself as I struggle to find this new place from which to carry on.  I have 3 kids.  My oldest is 24.  She is an adult, and lives a productive life within about 5 miles of my home.  We communicate via phone and IM almost daily.  Although I speak my mind pretty freely, I realize she is an adult, and her decisions are her own to make.  I am an advisor.

It is similar with my son who is 21.  Even though he lives with me, he is responsible for his own life ... and for learning to communicate his decisions in a timely manner.

But ... now there's the baby!  She is 17 ... legally still a minor even though she is in the Army.  Communication, at least for now, is horribly limited and I wonder where her head is.  What kinds of decisions / choices is she making?  She will be 18 in November.  She's so young!  is it OK if she makes mistakes?  Of course!  It's just hard not being nearby to offer counsel.

I am probably repeating myself with this because it is hard!  The older two kids gave me time to adjust.  There was a gentle pulling away until they stood alone.  But the baby ... has broken away, and the transition is lost.  I'm struggling with this since it seems to be mingled with various degrees of anger (directed at several incl myself) ... a touch of grief, I believe.  I'm not used to dealing with anger.  It is not a friend!  I realize it's a head game ... a test for her to stand alone, AND a test of my self-control to keep my head going in the "right" direction and trust her.  OY!  It's not easy, thought!

~ B