POWER - CONTROL - MANIPULATION

My observatons:  In healthy relationships, whether male/female or friendships or even parent/child, there is a "balance of power" that shifts from time to time for various reasons.  This is a GOOD thing.  As children, we begin life as small self-centered balls of energy, curiosity, and will.  A parent's job/joy/responsibility is to shape that will, energy, and curiosity - hopefully, guiding the child toward their natural giftings and talents.  To do this, though, the parent must allow the child some personal power to make choices and observe these choices.  The power, then, in a parent/child relationship shifts back and forth from enforcer to observer to playmate.  This is good and healthy.  It validates the child AND the adult as two separate, yet valuable individuals.

The same principle  of balance applies in friendships and romantic relationships.  So, what happens when one partner refuses to relinquish control, refuses to receive from the other or give in response?  The relationship spins out of balance, and one partner assumes dominance over the other.  If left unchecked, it will spiral.  It may appear as a subtle mirage or it can be slap-in-the-face criminal behavior.  Either way, it is unhealthy.  Whether subtle or overt, control is not love, in fact they are opposites.  By the time fists start flying or threats are made, there is already a victim.  To me, the subtle, "dutiful" obeisance of one partner routinely to the other is just as damaging - victimizing - as rape, though it may not yet be criminal.  No human has the right to make you do what you are unwilling, in good conscience, to do.

If you find yourself in a relationship with a partner who controls you physically, emotionally, or sexually, GET HELP, before it's too late!

National Domestic Violence Hotline:

1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
1-800-787-3224 (TTY) 

Control

Control is a powerful thing.
It sneaks up from behind,
It smoulders within, waiting ...
And when the circumstances are just right,
Control pounces.

Some of us enjoy being in Control.
Have you noticed?
Others seem to desire to serve,
To be commanding or to serve & please,
Mr or Ms Control.

Control is always some place,
Lurking, perhaps, hidden sometimes,
But always, always present
Someone has it; Someone doesn't.
That's Control.

It's not necessarily a bad thing,
In fact, some thrive there.
Yielding happily to powerful Control,
Safe and secure in it's protection.
Control can truly Love.