There are any number of substances to which we humans can be addicted.  Most of us immediately think of drugs or alcohol as the most pervasive addictions.  As bad as they are ... and millions of victims will testify as to it's destructive energy ... Sexual addictions may be even more destructive.

Although there is an element of secrecy in all addictions because of the shame the addict feels for their behavior in the moments of sobriety, for the sex addict, the element of secrecy is multiplied by the very nature of the addiction.  As liberally minded as most of us have become over the last couple of decades toward sex and the discussion thereof, we are only willing to take the discussion so far.  There remains a "Puritanical" air about the discussion of sexual behaviors, what is normal and what is not.  The really sad part is where that leaves the victims.

Ah yes, the victims.  Some have called sexual addictions victim-less, but that is not possible, at least, according to my definition.  A victim is one who is injured emotionally, physically, or socially as a result of the behavior of the addict.  This is true regardless of the addictive "substance". 

Victims of sexual addiction find themselves often between the rock of tolerance and the hard place of fear of rejection very similar to the sexually abused.  Everyone today wants to be thought of as tolerant of those who think and live differently, so where do we draw the line?  What happens to the child of the man or women who finally is put in prison for exhibitionism?  or the husband who after 10 yrs of marriage learns his wife is gay and lives a double life with her lover?  Where does that leave them?  They are lost.  They are ashamed.  They are ... exposed.  Quite often, they are also abandoned by those around them.  Drug addiction is understandable.  Alcohol addiction is understandable, but sexual addiction?  Even the experts have been unable to come up with a definition that satisfies on every front. 

We are all unique creatures, we humans, and our sexuality is just as unique to each individual.  However, there are among us in every likely and UNlikely place, people who mask genuine intimacy with and illusion of  intimacy.  It's not about the specific acts, but about the motivation.  Sexual addictive behavior is self-gratifying.  The addict, just like with drugs or alcohol, is focused not on giving their loved one pleasure or expressing that love, but on using and taking only.  This is also a repetetive behavior, not a once in a while event. 

It is a very deep betrayal, and pyschologists and psychiatrists are still at a loss, for the most part, of how to treat these unique vicitims and addicts.  A few 12-step programs have been adapted to the bahavior of the sex addict, but they are not nearly as effective for this type of addiction.  With the availability of stimulus from free porn on the internet, to underwear catalogs, to movies & TV shows,  sexuality is advertised and available continually.   How can the addict get free of it?  A smoker can stop smoking, as hard as it may be, it is possible.  Short of plucking out one's eyes, can a sex addict get away from the "substance" to which they're addicted?  It is clearly much more complicated.

Is it possible to distinguish between the presence of a sexual addiction or an alternative lifestyle?  Might one be the result of the other?  Well ... these questions are too involved for me and way beyond my training. 

However, for more information of the topic and some helpful links, try here:  Sexual Addiction