Most of you know I am a single mom, and have been for several years.  Some of you might even remember my "fling" as seeresvelvet , although that blog disappeared a while back.  On this New Year's Day, I'd like to open a discussion on sex.  For some, it may be an old and tired topic, but for me, as a single mom of teens/young adults, it is an ever-present issue. 

I have 2 girls, ages 23 & 17, and one boy who is 20.  They have been raised on the foundational belief that sex is a wonderful & beautiful gift to give your spouse within a committed marriage.  Outside of that, problems arise.  As small children, they were taught that dating, by definition, is the search for a mate, and therefore, they would not be permitted to "date" until they were at least 18.  Prior to that, group ventures are encouraged.

Now I see your head shaking in disbelief, but it has actually worked!  To my mind, it's not that sex is dirty or bad, just the opposite, in fact.  It is too special to just throw around at any Tom or Henrietta that comes along and shows some interest.   What goes on in the bedrooms of committe, consenting adults, for the most part, is their business.  I know some beautifully Christian people who practice a form of BDSM.  I have believing friends who teach a course in healthy sexuality from a Biblical perspective.  The fact that sex is not discussed, in my opinion, allows distortions and abuses to continue unchecked.

Since my divorce in 2001, my kids have had ample opportunity to witness this practice in my own life.  When I was first seperated, I wanted to date anything that moved, to validate my femininity.  I was afraid of being alone ... of growing old alone.  THANK GOD, that is no longer the case.  I still date on occasion and there remains a small glimmer of hope that perhaps one day I still may find a male companion with whom to spend my remaining years.  If that does not happen, it will NOT break my heart. 

Our society puts tremendous pressure on us to couple.  I think this is even more true to females than males, but it applies to all of us.  There is an unwritten, undefined stigma attached to singleness like we are somehow less than whole.  Just look at how young our children now become aware of those that attract them.  Elementary age children are "going steady"!  To which I reply, for what purpose????????  It makes no sense to me AND puts an unhealthy strain on our young people to be more concerned with their attractiveness to the opposite sex than with their studies.

My point?  hmmm ... well, I love sex ... in the proper arrangement, and hope to have that opportunity again before my time passes.  I am thrilled that my kids took my words and instruction to heart, and value themselves enough to exercise self-control until they are ready to marry.  I wish believers were not so stuffy about sex and sexual issues.  Open discussions, in themselves, help to answer questions and keep things in perspective.

So, I'm opening this up ... What about Christians and sex? 

~ B

My Peculiar Aristocratic Title is: Honourable Lady Velvet the Liminal of Fishkill St Wednesday Get your Peculiar Aristocratic Title