Time passes.  It is funny to me how images "evolve" over time.  Please forgive me as I emote a bit here ... but ... it is necessary for my mental health!  hahahaha 

I believe it was sometime in January of ... ummm ... 2004 that I first met the Man called Seere.  He found me in an empty space, my marriage dissolved, my teaching career sabotaged by my ex;  I was floundering.  It was certainly not the best time to meet someone of interest.

Although it felt a bit strange at first, Seere quickly became an encourager ... helping me make some adjustments to my resume and continually building me up.  We talked about many things and seemed to agree on most.  Then after only actually seeing Him twice, He announced to me that He had to move to West Australia for what He thought would be first a month, then 6 months, then ultimately a bit over a year.  He even posted on His mindsay blog (now deleted) about returning to me in March or April.  That didn't happen due to health issues.  We adjusted. 

We chatted online at first once or twice a week, but it quickly grew to daily sometimes just a few minutes, sometimes hours.  In the meantime, I obtained the convenience store job and started the real estate training, got my license and things began to stablize in my life.  Seere was a friend and confidante, strange as it sounds.  He encouraged my sales career by giving my little pointers and suggestions. 

I do not know for a fact what has become of Him, nor, I suppose, will I ever in this lifetime.  I miss Him terribly, to my dismay, and I am hoping that this post may do me some good in purging my thoughts and feelings ... It angers me to think He may have deceived me in some way, and yet ... there are some intangibles, call it what You will, we had a connection.  We were never intimate though the subject of marriage did come up once or twice ... favorably.  I knew I wasn't ready for a committment like that, though ... at least not yet. 

As many of You know, we had planned for Him to join me here on 20 May.  He seemed quite excited.  The last weekend in April, He went to Melbourne to be with His adult children. The last time I spoke to Him was Sunday, 1 May and He was planning to return to Perth the next morning.  I never heard from Him again.  Friday, 6 May I received an email from His son explaining that Seere had passed quietly Wednesday afternoon.   That was all.   I have written to the family and asked for some token  ... but as yet, I have received nothing. 

I do not know what to think ... what to feel ... do not know how to mourn except for the dreams and hopes I permitted myself.   I am not sorry because it was vital that I know I could, in fact, still dream and hope.  My gut feelings tell me that He is  alive someplace and simply either could not face me or never intended to come back at all.  It is a bizaare thing no matter how one looks at it. 

Sheesh ... I'm wordy lately ... so that's the scoop.  Bottom line?  I miss Him.