Messiah is He whom all human hearts seek ...

Forgive me if my frustration is showing as I continue to pursue this issue ... Thanks to those of you who have shared your opinions & experiences. 

 

Here's my next question/issue:  One of the previous respondees (anonymous) expressed a viewpoint that gives me enormous concern.  She said she would rather be in a bad relationship, one she knew was unhealthy and/or temporary, than be alone.  Is this a popular stance? 

 

I saw this when I taught high school.  I see it on TV ... We live in a society that pressures people to connect NOW.  By that I mean, quickly.  The "instant" society seems to expect relationships to be a commodity that can be established, spent or traded in an evening.  Many of these are then, by simple definition, shallow and unsatisfying because there is no real foundation.  When this transfers over to a relationship with sex (which in my opinion is still designed and intended for only the most intimate of relationships by commitment), it devalues both the relationship AND the sex making it less fulfilling and virtually meaningless ... but NOT without strings.  Like it or not, there are ALWAYS strings.  Some strings may be more manageable than others, but ... they're still strings.  Ask our newly resigned Governor.  So, we're settling for a less satisfying, less fulfilling relationship for the same "price" ... a bad value!

 

So ... WHY are we afraid to be alone?  For the first year or two after my divorce, I was terrified that I would spend the rest of my life ... alone.  As a result, I dated just about any THING!  A free lunch or dinner is a free lunch or dinner, and I can talk to anyone that long.    But after a year or so, the urgency began to wear off, and I began in earnest to seek a potential mate.  Some of you may remember when I first appeared at mindsay as seeresvelvet.  This was a man I "connected" with online ... in my desperation.  The irony to my mind in this was that he may have "played me," but he also spent HOURS and HOURS and ... HOURS talking to me online and on the phone from Australia.  But I learned a great deal from that escapade ... about myself and my desperation.  It made me ill!  I was afraid to be alone.  WHY?  Because to some extent, alone says "failure" ... "unattractive" ... "loser" ... etc. 

 

At this point in my life, I'm not sure I would "hook up" with a guy if one was still available!  lol  I have grown over these past few years to really enjoy who I am (I have re-discovered the girl I was at 26.) and I enjoy my own company.  I have friends to go shopping with or to a movie etc, and am only sorry it took me this long to get back here.  I don't know WHY I got lost in my marriage, but I did.  It became an unhealthy animal almost immediately and literally sucked the life out of me for nearly 20 years.  So I'm here to say ... PLEASE ladies & gents, do not settle for a relationship that is not mutually loving, honest, respectful, faithful, FUN, challenging, motivating, inspirational, supportive, freeing, commited & satisfying.  Less is NOT better than none!  Alone is where we find our self, and only after we discover that can we really love another.  After all, ya gotta have something to give, right?