I've been at the new job for a month, now.  I have to confess ... this is perhaps my least favorite job of the gazillion I have had in my lifetime.  WHY? 

When a teenager misbehaves, they have made a cognitive choice to do so (influenced by others, sure, but it's still their personal choice for the most part) and can be introduced to the concept of consequences. 

When a 2 yr old misbehaves, chances are it's because of something they see/ hear at home.  These kids ... my God ... they've only been alive for 2 years and already they have faced more than many people face in a lifetime ... the bad stuff.  Parents in jail for any number of offenses; physical, sexual & mental abuse; and occasionally, a simple, but well-hidden developmental issue.  Sometimes, I just want to scream! 

Today, I had my usual 6 - 2 yr olds.  The oldest one just turned 3 and will be "graduating" to regular headstart on Monday.  I told him (for the third time) to stop running, and he looked at me and said NO.  I arose from my "story chair", and as I approached him, he began to back away, head down, "please dont hurt me ... please don't hurt me!"  My heart broke.  I just wanted to hold him and make the pain (and the memories) go away ... but he wouldn't let me, at least not for another few minutes.  He has a sweet & kind heart, but occasionally, he "snaps" and simply pounds another kid for no reason.  It's what he knows. 

Then there is another boy who will be 3 Dec 6th.  He picked up the "rebellious" ball, and ran with it.  Every time I asked him to do something, he said NO.  (Yes ... the first word many kids learn!)  I have very ... very few means of discipline available to me.  I picked him up and put him on my lap.  I explained that I was the adult, and he was the child. It was his "job" to listen to me, and mine to keep him safe.  I explained that it is hard to play games and have fun when kids don't listen.  He looked at me like I was the man in the moon!  What a novel thought ... kids doing what grownups say!    I wish I could say, he was a NEW kid!  hahaha  NOT!  But he is trying, I think.  I just hope my patience holds out!

But the highlight of my day was a bonefide temper explosion!  Where are the nice, well-behaved little girls???? That's what I want to know!  I have a roomful of boys and I'll go round and round with anyone who believes boys and girls are the SAME!  NO WAY HOSE A!!!!  Anyway ... boy #3 is on his cot for nap.  He is fighting sleep, whining, crying, fussing, but ... slowly he is sinking into sleep.  His gramma does the food ... opens the door and walks in.  YOu guessed it!  He exploded!!!  Screamed, cried, kicked, punched ... anyone!!!  I tried to hold him securely, but not so as to bruise him or frighten him and his struggle only intensified.  He was wearing a sweatsuit with no T-shirt ... and he's was working up a real lather.  I was blank.  No idea what to do ... how to calm him.  I asked the other teacher ... no clue.  She had never seen him like this!  So ... I took him to his gramma who promtly took him upstairs which threw off the preschool ratio!  OY!!  So now this has become a "center" issue.  I'll speak with the Director in the morning! 

So ... I'm in trouble already!  Sheesh!  Didn't take me long, hmm?  I spoke with the Family Resources Director this afternoon and basically asked ... What SHOULD I have done???  No answer ... just handle it!  I haven't been there long enough to have had time to actually read the procedures manual ... but it seems it doesn't really matter.  There are no "procedures" for handling multiple kids who are doing the mobb thing ... "No, we don't want to walk.  We want to run and if we fall it's YOUR fault and we'll tell mommy!"  So ... I rearranged the room ... again! 

I'm frustrated, though!  I cannot discipline the kids to teach them to behave.  It's obvious that most of them get their way completely, with only a few exceptions, and that angers me.  As if these kids don't have enough going against them ... and there's an entire generation like this!!!  God help us!  I'll survive this day and grow from it (I hope), but will they survive???  Will they make it to adulthood and learn "right" from "wrong"?  We can only hope ...

~ B