As I feel all eyes burning through me, I struggle for the courage to step up to the microphone on this night of confessions    ...   *inhaling deeply and scanning the room for friendly faces.  Eyes Midnightfriend and Wendyinchicago!  Nod shyly and clear my throat.*     

     Today, for the first time that I can recall, I was pushed to the point of flipping off another driver.  There, I said it!  I admitted it!  AND, what's more, I called him a bad word!

     I notice many people whispering and even chuckling to one another. 

      No, really!  I was driving through a nearby town during rush hour,  although traffic was moving pretty well by this time.  We had just finished eating and were on our way home.  We stopped at the red light patiently awaiting our turn to proceed.  The light changed and I pushed the gas pedal ... oooops not in gear.  Quickly, deftly, I slide the gear shift into first, but not before some jackass toots his horn over this 5 second (max) delay.  OK ... I just look at him and go on ... Next light ...green means go ... ok ... Next light; red!  OK  stop ... wait ...looooooong light, take it out of gear to rest my clutch foot!  GREEN!!!  Oh geee ... in gear ...  BEEEEEEEEEP!!! 

Now, the temptation was to stomp on the brake and just sit there and in a safer day & age, perhaps I would have, but ya never know today ... But the same yikkie beeped again ... Unfreaking believable! 

I've probably been in this situation a dozen times before but today, it got ot me.  Why?  Not sure.  Could be the trickle down effect of my frustration from the bombings this morning.  Could be the stress of a friendly take-over in my conveneince store employment and all that will mean.  Culd just be tht I awoke extra early this morning for no apparent reason and couldn't go back to sleep.  You see, any number of factors could be blamed, but the bottom line is ... I lost my temper and I embarassed myself in front of my daughter who has seen me angry, but not like that. 

Now I know many of you will just laugh ... but of course, I started thinking just how foreign the thoughts are of those that perptrate terroristic attacks ... or are they?  Sandyquill  shared from her heart today saying,  "There is no way we can stop the inhumanity until we are more concerned about the life and well being of others more than we are of our own." 

... How different are we really?  It's easy to become self-righteous and say we'd never blow someone up, but I wrote about the power of our words just the other day ... The power of Life and Death is in the tongue!  Our words either bring life or they bring death ... There is no in between. 

I don't know what the solution is to the terrorists, but I'm sure the we/them mentality is not the answer.   I have trained my children that maturity begins when Self is no longer the center of our vision and energy.   We cannot change anyone but ourselves.  Maybe, just maybe if enough of us actually begin to live this way ... to genuinely put the needs of others before our own needs (or maybe even with our own needs), maybe then we'll have a chance to get beyond this madness.   Maybe ...

What I know is ... religions and philosophies cannot be used as weapons OR an avenue of escape.  Human nature is the problem and we somehow have to conquer our base nature and get past it. 

 ... yup ... all because I lost my temper en route home this evening!