"EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW ...
how to fall in love without losing herself."  ~ Maya Angelou

I had lunch with a friend I hadn't really seen in about 10 yrs yesterday.  We met at 11:30 and didn't leave the restaurant until 4:30!  We solved all the major ills of the world, of course, but much of our conversation swirled around the above theme.  I have 2 daughters and she has one ... and we talked about the differences in how we were raised and how we raised our daughters.

I was raised in the 50's and 60's ... she's 10 yrs younger than me, but we were all, as little girls, spoon fed Barbie and Cinderella images and dreams.  In other words, we were taught directly and indirectly that the ideal life for us girls centered on marriage & children.  There was little, if any, talk of career or even employment.  There was NO discussion of self-sufficiency or independence.  None.  It was a "given" that all girls would grow up, get married and have babies, and, naturally, live happily ever after with Prince Charming!  My friend's childhood was much the same. OOOPS!

My question today is ... What has changed in the last few decades?  Are our little girls still raised with the images of Barbie, Cinderella, and happily-ever-after? I have made a distinct effort to impress on each of my 3 kids (2 girls/ 1 boy) the need for independence.  They each need to be able to support themselves financially and build a life to their own liking.  None of them are in a relationship at this point, and each of them are in fact, pursuing their career ... or at least heading in that direction.  They each have distinct goals and dreams, and a thought-out plan to achieve those dreams ... none of which I had when I was their age!

Of course, this in no way diminishes the dream of a happy & fulfilling relationship at some point ... (and grandbabies!), but I have worked hard to demonstrate that there's no hurry!  Get your feet securely planted.  Figure out who you are and who you want to be.  Build your life around your interests, with your priorities. Mr or Ms Right will come along when you least expect it, but if you're busy looking, you may be distracted by a counterfeit! 

Girls ...  Ladies, young and, umm, not so ... Cinderella: Friend or Foe?  How many of us were on some level deceived by this fairytale and the dreams it spawns? How many have found themselves trapped in abusive or less than ideal relationships because we had no career to support ourselves, or even to find affirmation. How many women have lost themselves to their relationships without even realizing it? Not very Happily-ever-afterish.

OK ... I got off my point, but ... ladies, figure out who you are and who you WANT to be.  We don't NEED a man to do that!  We don't need a Man to confirm our great value, our intelligence, our resourcefulness, our creativity, our compassion, our resilience ... We just need to take the time to get acquainted with ourselves and follow our own passions.  THEN ... we can share ourself without losing who we are. Don't be cheap, ladies! If we want others to respect us, we have to first respect our “own” self! That means defining ourself and coming to terms with our own imperfections and limitations as much as with our talents and outstanding abilities!  

(sheesh ... am I in Mom mode, or what???)

~ B