Yesterday, as I sat in my Ed Psych class awaiting the instructor's arrival, I flashed back to a related event years and years ago.  I was in college and my brother was in high school.  Dad had recently recovered from a serious illness, and mom was relieved, but looked tired.   I don't recall if it was her birthday or Christmas (It was a long time ago!), but my brother and I were sitting on the bed in mom & dad's room. (It apparently was a lazy morning, whatever the date.)  I asked mom to tell us again about her dream.  She had spoken often to us about it, not in a bitter way, mind you, but ... just a memory.  She answered and spoke of her lifelong dream of becoming a medical missionary.  She had met dad while in medical school.  Now, women just didn't go to medical school in the 40's, they got married and raised a family ... which is what she did.   She gave up her dream to raise her family. 

After listening to her dream and seeing the wistful smile on her face, my brother and I surprised her by offering to pay her entrance fee into Pitt's medical school as a gift (for whatever holiday it was).  We were so excited to do this.  We thought we were giving her her dream.  She laughed.  She had a dozen reasons why she couldn't go back now, none of which made sense to me then.   I was heartbroken that our gift was declined.   I think I also assumed a bit a guilt for being part of the reason she never accomplished her dream.  hmmm 

I am sorry she never made it back to medical school or to the mission field.   As I sit in class today, though, I understand her fears and misgivings.  It is hard going back.  It's hard asking my kids to help pay our household bills for now, but ... it must be done. 

It seems to me that one way to be sure we're on the right road is to measure the resistence.  I believe we each have purpose, but fear and doubt often obstruct that purpose.  It takes courage and determination to reach push through,  to accomplish our dreams. 

13 Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, 14 I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.  Phil 3:13-14  NKJ