How do people change?  Or perhaps better phrased, which is more likely to inspire individuals (you) to change or to make an effort to change? 

• Option 1:  Hollering, screaming, finger-pointing, ranting, mockery, embarassment, humiliation, intimidation, put-downs, unrealistic expections
• Option 2:  encouragement, support, affection, nuturing, 'atta-boys/girls', hope, honesty, respect, understanding, 'permission to be real', realistic goals

What works for you?  I'm a first-born with some typical first-born traits:  high expectations, work-a-holic tendencies, bossy & sometimes controling, but I learned by experimentation what works with my three very different children is giving them the freedom to be themselves.  In other words, genuine support and encouragement.  As my Mom used to say, "you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar."  Not sure why anyone would WANT flies, but ...

I encourage you to think back through your own life and determine which of these you respond better to and then ... pass it on.