First, a few definitions:

  used as a noun:

1. reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing; confidence.

2. confident expectation of something; hope.

3. the obligation or responsibility imposed on a person in whom confidence or authority is placed: a position of trust.

  used as a verb:

1. to have trust or confidence in; rely or depend on.

2. to believe.

3. to expect confidently; hope (usually fol. by a clause or infinitive as object): trusting the job would soon be finished; trusting to find oil on the land.

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For people of faith, trust is a familiar concept.  We know that we are to trust in God.  Seems simple enough, but it is my observation that God, as the object of my trust, is not satisfied that I simply understand the concept.  He actually wants me to LIVE it!  Now, to some, even that may seem relatively simple ... Hah!  NOT!

I'm not sure if it's just me (I doubt it.), but I have a real "thing" about being or feeling helpless.  As many of you know, I lived as a "victim" for many years in a bad marriage, and like a smoker who is finally able to stop smoking hates to be around smoke, I become rather restless and agitated when I find myself in a "helpless" situation.  Problem is, as God has graciously  brought to my attention, the opposite of trust is worry!  I have become (hopefully for only a short time) as worry wart!  When I'm out, I'm cheery and optomistic, but somehow, as soon as I come back home, the weight of the world drops onto my shoulders (actually, apparently, I take that weight back onto my shoulders) and I begin to stew, and fret, and plan, and scheme, and work (or strive) to manipulate the circumstances into something manageable.  In other words, I strive for control!  THAT is an eye opening revelation!  I sure never pictured myself as a control freak! 

So ... how do I get from here to where I want to be, or rather, where God wants me to be in a TRUSTing relationship with Him?  Practical application:

1.  I'm in a new job.

2.  My car died last night and I am unable to get to work unless or until it is fixed.

3.  I called work and said I'd be in as soon as it is fixed.

4.  I'm working - exercising what small faith I apparently have that it will be OK!

5.  In the back of my mind, I'm reviewing the thoughts that Monday we must drive to the airport!!! 

6.  I'm very uncomfortable!  I'm also hoping that this exercise, as I write it out here, will help me see more clearly.

7.  But, like the blind man ... I believe!  Please help my unbelief as there doesn't seem to be much confidence in my expectation.  Why not?

8.  Why is it easier to believe is catastrophe (and frustrrated plans) than in my loving, all-knowing Father?  Why is trust so hard?  (This doesn't have to just apply to God.  It is just as applicable to human relatinoships.)  Why is it easier to believe in betrayal or deception rather than loyalty and faithfulness?

So ... for now, I'm struggling to trust my loving Father knows best and has everything under control!  OY!  Thank You, Father!

~ B